Many riders come to me stating that they “lack confidence”. That’s a very sweeping statement and in my opinion, inaccurate. There’s different levels to this too; some riders are scared to canter for example, or to hack on their own whereas for others, even just the thought of climbing aboard their horse sparks a debilitating anxiety.
I’ll refer back to women in particular as female riders form the entirety of my client base (that could be an interesting article in itself – how women tend to “lack confidence” more than men…). Many of these women are mothers, or own their own business, or have successful careers and so on. Some are teachers. Some are the only woman in a corporation dominated my men. Some are single parents. All are “confident” in other aspects of their life. Some are "shy" teenagers!
So, why do they feel they “lack confidence” in the saddle? How have these independent, strong, powerful and authoritative women/young ladies got to the point – usually when they come to someone like me for help – that just the thought of riding fills them with dread?
I believe that this “lack of confidence” could often more accurately be described as a “fear of being out of control”.
There’s a lovely quote that does the rounds every so often which goes something like:
“Horse riding is the art of being in total control but complete surrender simultaneously”.
Surrendering our bodies to the motions and personal safety to the gods whilst being in control of our minds and thinking about our physical actions extremely carefully.
Horses are big, fast, powerful creatures. Even the small ones. We owe them respect. They could quite literally do whatever they wanted if they wanted to no matter what bit or saddle or environment they’re in. And yet we still choose to be in their presence, to ride, to jump, to hack, to do all the things we wish to do. We HAVE to be able to hand over some control. Just as we would in ANY partnership or friendship. We HAVE to trust the bond and understanding from both parties. Or establish that bond in other ways before climbing aboard.
We like to be in control. Being in control is safe. It’s familiar. It’s stable. If we’re in control we are responsible for what’s going on and things are on our terms. But are they really? In everyday life, are things really ever fully in our control? We can’t control the actions of others. Or the weather. But we can control how we respond to them.
There may have been some event or trauma that has caused confidence to dwindle. This is totally NORMAL. And actually, it’s inevitable. Our primal instinct is to protect ourselves from harmful situations in order to survive. So, if something has happened that hurt us (physically, mentally, emotionally…) which caused a “trauma response” our brain registers this as a potentially life-threatening situation, remembers this and stores it away in the memory for future reference, when a similar event occurs in the future our brains go into survival mode. Which can manifest in all sorts of different ways.
Experience IBS (Irritable Bowels)? You body’s response to stress is to run away so it’s quite literally depositing weight so you can (in a primal sense) “run away faster”. Light headedness or even passing out? The body could be directing blood to large muscles of the body, again, in preparation to run away, or, in a more extreme sense, it could simply be putting you into “playing dead” to avoid predation! Ok – maybe that does seem a bit silly… but seriously, our environment has altered and evolved astronomically since we were first escaping sabre tooth tigers. Our brains HAVE NOT.
Modern day situations that cause us stress don’t necessarily require the fight, flight or freeze responses. But our brains don’t really have any alternative ways to react in the moment. The Chimp Paradox by Prof Steve Peters is brilliant read for some further insight into how our brains react. Our primal brain acts first and immediately, our rational brain often doesn’t even get a look in until much later. Hindsight? It’s often a beautiful - or irritating - thing.
That frustration when later on in the day, after deciding not to ride, and you’re kicking yourself. “Why can’t I just do it?!” “I feel so stupid!” “These feelings are ridiculous!”. Recognise those statements?
I believe that “confident” riders are simply better at keeping their primal brain in check with their rational one. Now don’t get me wrong, there could indeed be situations in which giving riding a miss might be the best option! But next time the feelings of being scared begin to rise, ask yourself; “am I truly in danger? Or am I just feeling a little out of my comfort zone?”. The Comfort Zone can be built and expanded in small increments.
Breaking things down into smaller more manageable steps is key to breaking down fears. Overwhelming yourself or “flooding” as it’s known can exacerbate cemented behaviours. We wouldn’t do that to our horse (or at least I significantly hope not! It’s now widely recognised as an inhumane “training” method…) so why would we do that to ourselves. It can take time to unlearn behaviours and beliefs stemming from trauma. There are many therapies, exercises - such as breathing techniques - and useful coaches or experts who can help with true psychological trauma. Don’t be afraid to ask for help. Riders come to me because I specialise in Confidence Coaching and believe me, it’s so much more common than we often think! You are not alone if statements in this article are resonating with you.
So, maybe the handing over of control isn’t about giving some responsibility to your horse. Maybe it’s simply taking some control from your primal brain and giving it to your rational one. “Hey primal instinct, thanks for keeping me safe and all, but I’ll take it from here” 😊
The first time I rode Nutmeg bridle-less was an immensely liberating but terrifying feeling. Truly surrendering control. Removing the safety net if you like. It was an amazing experience. Clearly I wouldn’t just jump on any horse with no tack and feel totally cool with it! I had built up what I believed was a good enough level of communication that my actions would translate in any scenario, tack or not, so that Nutmeg would understand. Even I didn’t think we’d manage a leg yield! But apparently we can even with no bridle or saddle!
There was no Ego involved in this scenario. I wasn’t trying to prove anything to anyone. I just wanted to try it and see what happened… see if she would still listen to and understand me. Leave my comfort zone just a little. She absolutely didn’t have pay me any attention! But she did. It was as if it were any other ride. I had confidence in my own ability and I also had confidence in her level of understanding.
Read that again.
I had confidence in my own ability and I also had confidence in her level of understanding.
Could you be lacking confidence in one of those exact areas? Your own physical ability? Your horses level of “training” or understanding?
A final thought…
RIDE THE HORSE YOU’RE ON. If your horse on this particular day is indeed a fire breathing dragon that’s hell bent on mass destruction, please, by all means give it a miss. However, don’t create demons that aren’t truly there. If your horse is relaxed, happy, and chilled out, you might just be about to miss out on a lovely ride…
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