Trying to BULLY a horse into doing something vs ASKING NICELY
This seems to be a whole Taboo subject in the equestrian industry.
Surely the days have past of "dominating" a horse or "getting it to submit"?!
Sadly not always.
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Now I have to admit here; when I was younger, this is what I got taught.
Horse are too big and "dangerous" so therefore they must submit to us, we must be the leader/dominant one... so that we don't get hurt.
SO THAT WE DONT GET HURT!!!??? Are you kidding me?
If you're intimidated by the shape, size, power and capabilities of a horse please get a hamster (FYI their bites are also not cute!).
If you are seeking to dominate a horse (or human or any other animal) to gain feelings of power and control you are a sh*tty human being and need to take a long, hard look at yourself. #sorrynotsorry
In my experiences, I've consistently seen people get hurt when attempting or implementing this exact attitude. Try to force a horse to do something or go somewhere etc by "being in charge" or "showing them who's boss".
As in, they've got - usually physically but also mentally - hurt when adopting this mind frame (obviously people get hurt working with and being around horses in many other situations ).
My point is rather having this attitude has ultimately resulted in an ouchy (to both horse and/or human) in a more or lesser extent depending on the activity at hand.
Humans are scared of horses. Of powerful "unpredictable" beasts (I'll save my views on "unpredictability" for another post). And our innate defence (as a PREDATORY species) is to address conflict with aggression, violence, force. If something makes us mad, we fight.
It's true; they are big and powerful... but they are a PREY animal. Aggressive behaviour is simply not in their immediate go-to set of behaviours.
If your horse has got to the point of truly being aggressive, a lot more has gone wrong and behaviour been ignored prior to that stage. As a general rule, for a horse to choose to attack is an extreme compromise on that horses own safety. They are far better evolved to run away than to fight. It really is a last resort.
Don't get me wrong, they'll bicker for food, or space, or to protect babies etc within a herd or even towards humans... but I mean the times when all of those needs are met, nothing else is at stake, other than the horses own perceived safety and our perceived desires/outcomes/agendas/goals whatever the hell you want to (perhaps not admit) name them.
I've done it. I've tried to force/bully/pressure horses into doing stuff... jumping obstacles, loading, going somewhere out hacking... simply schooling... all sorts. And we left those sessions hot, sweaty, both probably in some sort of pain and with a relationship more broken than it was before.
There. I've said it. I've made these mistakes. And I hated myself for it.
But I learned... I wanted to seek a better way.
I hated that feeling of guilt, or shame, of yearning for harmony, of disappointment in myself.
And it takes a huge Mindset shift, a huge mental overhaul, a strength to walk away from all that prior conditioning and previous instruction...
"Just because it's always been done doesn't make it right"
None of these people I'd learnt from were bad people or I believe genuinely wanted to (or possibly even thought they were) stress out the horse/s. It's just how they'd been taught...
Sometimes this way "worked". Sometimes the outcome was "successful" as in, the horse eventually did what the human wanted all along. But I wouldn't necessarily say it was a learning or positive experience for the horse. Or what the long-term implications or "success" was.
Does this mean I allow horses now to "walk all over me" or "get away with stuff"? No! I still have and set my boundaries. Firmly. I still don't want to get hurt! Maybe I do express more leniency than most, but I don't see that as a problem. Horses just as humans need room for error and space to find the correct answers and make the right decisions. No one ever got it right the first time, and even if they did I can almost certainly guarantee they still adapted what they do the next time for even greater accuracy.
The horses that I work with do test their boundaries yes, but that is also perfectly normal horse behaviour - they want to gauge if you're truly worth paying attention to for the sake of their own safety.
So what's the alternative?
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How do you "ask nicely"?
So many equestrian show visible disgust at the thought of asking a horse to do something "nicely"
I can see their mind going: "Oh god she's a pony patter" "But my horse is an ars*ehole! I don't want to ask nicely I just want him to do as I say!" "Where's her cowboy hat?" (No judgement here ) "Is she gonna make me take all my tack off and ride bareback and bridle-less in a round pen and film it for The Gram as liberty" "I don't want to feed my horse a tone of treats" Etc etc
Asking nicely doesn't mean speaking to your horse in a baby goo goo voice and hoping they understand.
Asking nicely isn't feeding a constant stream of treats in the hope of bribing your horse (shock horror, horses don't respond to bribery).
Asking nicely doesn't mean you are "submissive" and the horse "dominant" - I also want to say here that sometimes allowing an exchange of "power" can be extremely helpful! If only us humans could possibly put our egos aside and let our horses think for themselves!!!
Asking nicely means a low stress environment.
It takes PATIENCE and TIME.
It means Asking questions the horse understands.
And doing everything possible to help facilitate in them getting the right answers.
It can mean applying some "pressure"... but never enough to put that horse over the edge and into defensive mode.
It can mean a firm but clear and instructive hand (or leg).
It allows space for your horse to decide what they want to do AND THEN DO IT WILLINGLY.
And you know what? I've had far quicker results when I've "asked nicely" than I ever did when I was being an as*hole
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